How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
