yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
