Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
