I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
