i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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