yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
