you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
