I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
