He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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