He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
