i was born a porn star she said
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
