Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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