ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
