It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize