you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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