im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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