I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My vagina just clenched in fear
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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