the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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