im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
