Pants 0. Shit 1.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
