It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
