What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
