next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize