you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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