I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
