He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
