do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
