she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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