I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
