I didn't shave. On purpose
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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