We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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