what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
