I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
