Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
