Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
