Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
