Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
