her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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