Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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