I want to stick my p in your. b.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
