I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
