I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
