my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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