so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
