I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
