he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
