The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
