just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
