Jerry, you need to find god
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
