well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize