I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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