ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
