shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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