i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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