I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have fence marks all over my body
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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