I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
