I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Its about making memories worth repressing
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
