I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
