Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
