she was so not down for the gang bang
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
