he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
