he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
