When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
