saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
