It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
