So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
