you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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