Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
