i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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