in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Life is so much better after having sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
