so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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