Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
