I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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