Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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